OhManItzTrishia

There’s a dying elephant on my floor

Oh wait jk it’s a music major sucking at playing music. I’m gonna take that trumpet and stick up her butt.

I am PROUD of myself

I am honestly impressed with myself. People keep telling me that I am strong. I am the strongest person they have ever met. The first time someone told me that was during a group pray over in YFL. I remember when that person said that it really hit me. It seems lame to say that I went home and reflected on myself because of that but that’s what happened. I realized that I am strong. At the time I only had to deal with the fact that I lost my father. But even though I did loose him I had my mother with me. I wasn’t suffering alone. I still had someone there for me.

Now I’m hearing it again because I lost my mother, the last person I had to go home to. Now I’m alone. I have people supporting me but in all reality everything is on me now. Every time someone gave me a hug it was “stay strong ok?”. When people looked at me it was “you are honestly one of the strongest people I know” And I am. I am strong. I could have broken down, lost all hope, and dropped into a depression. It would have been understandable. From what I am going through I myself expected it to happen. But it didn’t. As nice as it was, I didn’t need those therapy sessions that I attended during winter break. I talk about what’s going through my head. I don’t bottle things up. I let it out. They never build up. My friends don’t blame me when I knock on their doors crying in the middle of the night. They understand. But it doesn’t happen that often. 

I handle myself really well. I know what kind of problems I might be up against. I now have the freedom to do what ever the hell I want. There’s no one there to stop me. My money is at my disposal. I can just spend it. But I understand that. I know that I have to watch what I spend. I even know when I do have a problem. I understand my problem, why I do it, and know how to fix it, and do just that. Like I know that lately I spend my money a lot, buying things online and at the mall. But I know that my mentality is that no one is going to buy it for me. There is no one I can wait for to buy me what I want. So either way I’ll be the one to pay for it so might as well just get it now. If I wait I’ll still be paying for it anyway. But I also know that I don’t have a house to just place all my shit in. So I shouldn’t keep buying things. Where would I put it and do I even need it?

I guess this was me self evaluating myself. I actually don’t expect anyone to read this since its so long. But yeah. I am a strong person. I know it. I’m proud of how I handle things. I’m impressed. 

I feel like I’m trying to hard to become friends with people. In my opinion friendships should just happen naturally. But things that are worth it are worth fighting for. So being their friend, being included is worth it right? Idk I always feel like in my effort to become someone’s friend that I end up just bothering them because its like I push myself on to them to hard or something. Idk I’ll see where all these friendships go. I just really want to have more solid friendships. I want those friendships where I want to and try to see them over school breaks. Yeah. That’s what I want. I want to turn my school friends into my 24/7 friends. We are friends in and out of campus. :)